From: "Fox Lee" Subject: Re: [GRIT][META] The Cute Guy Test Date: Friday, 28 September 2001 12:55 PM At least a month into our trip, my companion Fox is still yet to compose a decent followup message header to lure the rare and wild foxlee@tpg.com.au (Fox Lee) to our campsite. We have, however, recorded its cry, as heard on Thu, 27 Sep 2001 14:52:12 GMT, which is as follows: >Jesse: And hey, guess what? /Sensei/ still beats BJ by several points! > >Fox: Done in by my own unfair biases! ;_; Actually, it appears I got this wrong. I forgot about the "female" modifier! So, BJ actually /does/ manage to beat Sensei! And hey, since I'm talking about it, here are the collective's results on said test... *Backstage* Jesse: And what, exactly, is going on here? -_-;;; Fox: I thought that'd be obvious! I'm running you all through my cute GUY test! Jesse: *sickened noise*...You're WHAT?! There's only one male amongst us, you freak! Sensei: And even then, it's a /fine/ line... BJ: Nooo! I'm a girl! Pay no attention to that genitalia behind the curtain! Jesse: At any rate, leave me out of it! Fox: Whaaaat? I woulda thought you'd like being counted as a guy, Jesse! Jesse: I couldn't care less! It's being called "cute" that I object to! Fox: So, just score badly! That'll solve everybody's problems, ne? ^.^ Jesse: I have a downright horrible feeling about this. J-ko: ... *Sits in the corner strumming* Fox: Hah! Let's go! THE JESSE COLLECTIVE vs THE CUTE GUY TEST! ** APPEARANCE ** >Guy has tall, slender, bishounen physique, +10 BJ> 20 BJ: Yay! Sensei: No points for me? Fox: Bishounen don't have breasts. Even small ones. Sensei: Curse my lack of curses... >Guy has small, skinny, undersized physique, +5 J-ko> 15 >Guy has realistic physique, +3 Jesse> 13 Sensei> 13 Jesse: Oh, sure, you ust HAD to score me something, didn't you?... Sensei: Look, Jesse! *sidles closer* We're so close we're practically on top of each other... Jesse: Get AWAY from me! >Guy has wings, +8 J-ko> 23 BJ: O.O ... ... T_T >Guy has long hair past shoulders, +3 ...and takes really good care of it, further +2 ...and wears it in a ponytail/braid, +1 ...and it's also past his waist, +2 BJ> 28 BJ: YAY for long hair! ^.^ Sensei> 20 Sensei: No, I suppose a bun doesn't count as a ponytail...ah well. Jesse> 19 Jesse: It's only long 'coz I'm too lazy to cut it! I swear! J-ko> 28 >Guy's face is partially obscured by his hair, +4 BJ> 32 Sensei> 24 Jesse> 23 J-ko> 32 Sensei: We-heeell...isn't this a close one?... Jesse: Unfair bias! Corrupt judges! Guy has long fingers, +2 BJ> 34 Sensei> 26 Sensei: And you know what they say about men with big hands... Jesse: That "man-whore" over there wants to get them into bed? Sensei: Actually, yes... BJ: I'm not a man-whore! T_T I'm NOT! >Guy is pretty enough to be mistaken for a girl, +4 BJ> 38 Sensei> 30 BJ: ^__________^ Sensei: Well, of course. Jesse> 27 Jesse: NO, dammit! I am NOT pretty enough to be a girl! Sensei: Shhh...don't say that where HR can hear you, he'll argue it to the ground... Jesse: *sulks* J-ko> 36 - but only just... >Guy is under 20, +3 BJ> 41 Jesse> 30 Sensei: We're tying again, Jess-chaaaaan... Jesse: *glares* Bugger off. NOW. J-ko> 39 Guy is under 14, -3 J-ko> 36 >Guy is under eight, - 8 J-ko> 28 Fox: Sorry kiddo! >Guy's eye height is roughly level with... >...the average girl's face, +2 BJ> 43 >...the average girl's bust, -2 Jesse> 28 > ...the average girl's knees, -2 J-ko> 26 > ...the air above average girl's head, -3 Sensei> 27 Sensei: Awwww... Jesse: I hate my RL... Fox: You got a minus, so quit whingeing! Jesse: A minus at the cost of being ideal yuri fodder! >.<;;; BJ: I'm winning! I'm winning! Yaaaay! ^.^ Sensei: Eh, Beej? I hate to point this out, but your competition is one underaged genderless freak and two women. BJ: Yeah...well...um...I like Kiniro! Jesse: You /suck/. BJ: *Coy* Oh no, that would be dirty! Jesse: I was never part of that. I swear it, I was NEVER part of that... ** INTELLIGENCE ** >Guy is moderately intelligent and knowledgeable, +4 BJ> 47 Jesse> 32 Jesse: And for the one part I /would/ care about, you lump me with HIM?! BITCH! *Beats crap out of RL* Fox: Gaah! I'm sorry! It was the closest thing to true! Gomeeeeen! >Guy is very intelligent and knowledgeable, +4 Sensei> 31 >Guy is artistic and/or creative, +4 BJ> 51 Sensei> 35 Jesse> 36 >Guy is a profound deep thinker/philosopher type, +4 Fox: Hmmmmmm...to be safe, we'll say... Jesse> 40 Sensei> 39 BJ: *Cries* ** ATTIRE AND FASHION ** Guy dresses fashionably/tastefully, +6 BJ> 57 Sensei> 45 >Guy dresses in a way that's practical but boring, +2 Jesse> 42 J-ko> 28 Fox: Okay, so Jesse's dress isn't boring, but it certainly ain't fashionable! Jesse: Ya got that right! >Guy dresses as a girl, +4 BJ> 61 Sensei> 49 Jesse> 46 Jesse: No, no, no, NO! Fox: Only on occasion! ^^;;;; >Guy wears boxers, not briefs, +2 BJ: Oi! Why is there no "wears panties" +10! That's not fair! Fox: For the record, Jesse /almost/ got this one, but she wears mens' briefs, not boxers... >Guy wears glasses, +2 Sensei> 51 Sensei: *Grins* ** PERSONALITY ** >Guy is not afraid to cry in front of others, +10 BJ> 71 Sensei> 61 >Guy is easy-going and agreeable, +6 Fox: Hmmm.../mostly/... BJ> 77 >Guy is sweet and emotional, +6 BJ> 83 >Guy is calm, cool and collected, +4 Sensei> 65 >Guy is a real bitch, -4 BJ> 79 Sensei> 61 BJ: WHAT?! Fox: Oh, deal with it. You bitch, plain and simple. BJ: *cries* You're mean! Sensei: And me? Fox: Yeah, you. Look at what you do to poor Aoryuu! Just /look/ at it! Sensei: But...but... Fox: but? Sensei: Okay, guilty as charged. But it's so much fun! ^_^ >Guy is obsessed with proving his masculinity, -6 Jesse> 40 Jesse: Yeah, baby! >Guy has STYLE (TM), +8 Sensei> 69 Sensei: Sixty-nine.. *snigger* Jesse: Can I have a mallet? A chainsaw? A crowbar? Whatabout a nice big machete? ;_; >Guy keeps his promises, +5 BJ> 84 Sensei> 74 Jesse> 45 Jesse: Crap. > ... and threats, -2 Jesse> 43 Jesse: Woohoo! Sensei> 72 BJ: Woohoo! >Guy is kind and polite, +4 > ...even to people he doesn't like, further +2 BJ> 90 Sensei> 78 >Guy has a submissive or subservient nature, +4 uke bonus. BJ: *looks hopeful* Fox: Weeelll...okay. Mostly so. BJ: Yippee! BJ> 94 >Guy dislikes fighting/killing, +4 > ...but will still stand up for himself, loved ones, or his beliefs, further +4 BJ> 102 Sensei> 86 ** RESPONDS TO DANGER ** >By facing it using every dirty trick in the book, -2 > ...but still looks cool, +4 Sensei> 88 Jesse> 51 >By protecting loved ones, +4 Sensei> 92 Jesse> 55 Jesse: Bullshit! >.< Sensei: Liar. > ...and people he doesn't necesarily like, +4 Sensei> 96 Sensei: I'm almost winning, Beeeeej! ^.^ BJ: But...but you're a - Sensei: A girl? But aren't you a girl too, BJ? That's what you said... BJ: Anoooo... @_@ Jesse: Oh great, you confused the bimbo. Now we'll be here all day... >By running away or hiding, +2 BJ> 104 BJ: I'll catch you! I will! Sensei: We'll see... ** ROMANCE ** >Guy is in love, +4 Sensei> 100 BJ> 108 BJ: ^.^ > ...with someone who doesn't love him, -6 Sensei> 94 BJ> 102 BJ: >.< ...but at least he realises they don't, +4 Sensei> 98 BJ> 106 BJ: T_T Sensei: *Stoic expression* Let's move on now. >Guy is in mindless hormonal lust, -6 BJ> 100 BJ: I HATE YOU ALL! *runs away* >Guy refuses to let his hormones think for him, +4 > ...but thinks too much, -2 Jesse> 59 Sensei> 100 >Guy has a harem, -10 for thinking he can get away with it. > ...but he CAN, regain +4 Sensei> 94 Sensei: Male harem, mind you. Well...okay, not /entirely/ male... >Guy isn't afraid to show affection in public/in front of other guys, +4 BJ> 104 Sensei> 98 >Guy writes poetry for a love interest, +4 BJ> 108 >Guy is chivalrous, +2 Sensei> 100 >Guy is gay, +5 BJ> 110 BJ: HURRAH! >Guy is bisexual, +5 Sensei> 105 BJ: DAMMIT! >.<;;; >Guy blushes and gets embarassed around his love interest(s), +4 kawaii bonus. BJ> 114 BJ: >8D > ...but it's just an act, -4 BJ> 110 BJ: >.<# It was only an act once or twice! I swear! >Guy is rejected by his love interest and... Fox: As I did in the Cute Girl Test, I'm including this section based on what they WOULD do. > ...is saddened, but gets over it, +4 Sensei> 109 > ...pretends he never liked them anyway, -3 Jesse> 56 > ...keeps trying to force himself upon them, -8 BJ> 102 BJ: Not force! Not force! Force is too strong a word! I just stay hopeful! That's all! Honest! Pleeeeeeeease? Fox: ...*sighs* Yeah, okay. I'll give you half back. Four is still a fair-size penalty. BJ: Domooooo! ^.^ BJ> 106 >Guy rejects somebody romantically interested in him by... > ...dismissing it as a childish crush, -4 > ...but it IS, regain +2 Sensei> 107 Sensei: It is. It always is. *Turns away* > ...by apologising and sympathising, +3 BJ> 109 BJ: Because I'd know how they felt... *sniff* ** GUY DIES ** >For love, +8 BJ> 117 Sensei> 115 Jesse> 64 Jesse: Oh, it's that stupid "dies for love" thing again. Ignore that, the RL is a moron... >For what he believes in, +6 Jesse> 70 Sensei> 121 BJ> 123 ** OTHER STUFF ** >Guy is gainfully employed, +6 Sensei> 127 BJ> 129 Jesse> 76 > ...in a way that involves a uniform, +2 BJ> 131 BJ: A girl's uniform, no less! ^.^ > ...in a way that involves leather, whips and chains, +6 Sensei> 133 Sensei: Speaking of which, who's heard of "Rank 12"? ^______^ >Guy can play a musical instrument/sing, +4 Sensei> 137 BJ> 135 Jesse> 80 J-ko (remember J-ko?)> 32 >Guy writes his own songs, +4 Sensei> 141 BJ> 139 Jesse> 84 J-ko> 36 (I guess...) > ...for other people, +2 Sensei> 143 BJ> 141 Jesse> 86 J-ko> 38 (technically) Jesse: It's a lie! It is! I don't! I don't! >Guy has martial arts, mecha piloting or other fighting skills, +4 Sensei> 147 Jesse> 88 >Guy has magical/psionic powers, +4 Sensei> 151 BJ> 145 Jesse> 92 J-ko> 42 >Guy cares about foreplay, +4 Sensei> 155 BJ> 149 >Guy watches soap operas, -4 Sensei: Don't you watch soap operas, BJ? BJ: Heck no! The girls in those shows are complete tramps! Jesse: Look who's talking... -_-;; >Guy can cook, +4 Sensei> 159 BJ> 153 > ...and wears an apron, +3 BJ> 156 >Guy has a cute pet, +4 > ...and openly shows affection for it, +2 Sensei> 165 BJ> 162 >Guy IS a cute pet, +6 BJ> 168 Fox: Oh, come on, I HAD to... .. ..pleeeease? Sensei and Jesse: *GLARE* Fox: Fine then. *mutters* BJ> 162 Fox: You guys suck... >Guy is an angel, elf, vampire or other supernatural being, +4 J-ko> 46 >Guy is ageless or appears unaging, +6 Sensei> 171 BJ> 168 Jesse> 98 J-ko> 50 Jesse: Shit! Where did all these points come from, dammit! Take them awaaaaaay! Sensei: You know something, BJ? I'm going to beat you... BJ: Noooooo! T_T >Guy is a GIRL, -10 Sensei> 161 Jesse> 88 ---------------------------------------------------------- Aaaaand so concludes another round of "make fun of BJ"! And the scores are: BJ, the ultimate femboy, on 168 points! BJ: Yay! You love me! You really love me! *sniff, sob* I'm so happy! Jesse-Sensei, who apparently makes a good guy as well, on 161 points! Sensei: Ooooh, so close! Lemme go get a sex change, and I'll be back for a rematch! >8) Next, Jesse, narrowly beating J-ko in on 88 points! Jesse: I'm trying to work this out; Sure, fair enough, I did better as a guy than as a girl - no complaints there. But /Fox/ wrote this test, and Fox supports girly qualities in guys rather than manly ones. Soooo, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like she's trying to say that I'm cute and girly. Sensei: ...You know...I think you're right... Jesse: I thought so. Excuse me for a moment. Fox: AaaaaaaandI'llberunningandhidingnowbye! *RUNS* Uh ^^;;; And lastly, as usual, it's J-ko, on a grand total fifty points! Who beat his/her Cute Girl Test by fifty-three points, and that's an improvement at least ^^;;; Anyways, that's all from me for now! I'll hafta run Aki through later, though >8) And does anybody else feel like J-ko is getting off on a technicality, not having to take /either/ "girl is a MAN" /or/ "guy is a GIRL"? *snigger*