*Backstage* Sensei: All right, girls! I'll be sitting this one out, due to having already done the test, but I'm sure you'll be fine without me! ...Tori, put Aki down, good girl. Aki, your hair is coming loose. Mia! Stop pestering Yuki, she's trying to get her underwear on! Stop that groping right now! ...Yuu...you look very pretty, Yuu-chan...try not to be too intimidating, okay? ^_^ All right - off you go! And now, Fox Lee Studios brings you, the Jesse Collective versus CGT rematch: JESSE-SENSEI'S HALL SEISHI SENTAI vs. THE CUTE GIRL TEST 2.0! (The test /still/ belongin' to Kuno Christoffel ) ** APPEARANCE ** Girl is shaped like a long-legged hourglass, +10 points. Girl is shaped like a real person, +3 Girl is shaped like a pencil, -1 Girl is shaped like a fireplug, radish, prune, or beachball, -10 Girl has extra eyes, arms, ears, etc. -5 per *class* of part. ... If parts are sexual in nature, additional -5 (H. penalty). Girl is not actually shaped like anything, but is actually a projection, hologram, or other illusion, -5. Girl has an eye height greater than head height/2, -5 Girl has an eye height less than head height/8, -3 Girl is clearly pushing forty, -2 Girl is clearly pushing sixty, -6 Girl is clearly pushing two hundred, -14 Girl is under 18, -2 Girl is under 16, -4 Girl is prepubescent, -8 Girl is fetus, -10. Girl changes shape, +2 ... involuntarily, -4 Girl is having a bad hair decade, -3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 10 + 10 = 20 Yuu: 10 + 10 = 20 Mia: 10 + 10 = 20 Tori: 10 + 3 (real person), -4 (underaged) = 9 Aki: 10 + 3 = 13 Yuki: I should expect no less! Yuu: It is a fact that Sensei chose us for our looks... Mia: And you look so good, too... Aki: T_T It's not fair...I'm not old enough to look like an hourglass yet...BJ-sama is teaching me, he is!... Tori: Ha! I win! Minus points already! *ga-rin* Mia: *gropes Tori* On the contrary, my dear, we're just getting started... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** INTELLIGENCE ** Girl is stupider than head cheese, toaster ovens, and Tatewaki Kuno, -10 Girl is brighter than Kuno, but still repeats actions that didn't work the first time, -5 Girl is intelligent and creative, +6 Girl is *supposed* to be intelligent and creative, but never demonstrates it except through technobabble, weird science, and/or computer skills, -4 ... and she wears glasses, additional -1 ... and she doesn't date, additional -4 Girl is creative, but not particularly intelligent, +2 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 20 + 6 = 26 Yuu: 20 + 6 = 26 Mia: 20 + 2 = 22 Tori: 9 + 6 = 16 Aki: 13 + 2 = 15 Tori: Dammit! No plus points! Why did being smart hafta give us plus points? >_< Mia: Oh, RL? What was that about "not particularly intelligent? How attached are you to your spinal column? Aki: Nooooo! I'm cute! I'm cute! T_T ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** ATTIRE AND FASHION ** Attire is tasteful and alluring, +8 Attire is tasteful but reserved, +4 Attire is alluring but trashy, +2 Girl wears sexy high-heeled shoes for social occasions, +2 GIrl wears sexy high-heeled shoes for kicking ass, -2 Attire is silly, -2 Attire is ugly, -4 Girl cross-dresses, -4 ... but is still unmistakably female, regain +2 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 26 + 4 (reserved), +2 (heels) = 32 Yuu: 26 + 4 (reserved), +2 (heels) = 32 Mia: 22 + 8 (alluring), +2 (heels) = 32 Tori: 16 - 4 (crossdressing) = 12 Aki: 15 + 4 (reserved), +2 (heels) = 21 Yuki: Heya, a three-way tie...this could be interesting... Mia: Not as interesting as a three-way *whispers into Yuu's ear* Yuu: Mia-kun, it is physically impossible for three women to do that without having ribs removed. Mia: No it's not! I've tried it! ^_^ Tori: *Blocking ears* I /so/ don't want to know! Aki: Yay! I'm getting points back! ^____^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** PERSONALITY ** Girl is kind to animals, +2 Girl is kind to people, +4 ... even ones she doesn't like, additional +4 Girl is kind to machines, -1 Girl is loyal, +3 ... to people who clearly don't deserve it, -7 Girl is polite, +1 ... even to criminals, punks, and hellspawn, -3 Girl is happy and upbeat +4 ... even in the face of calamity, -5 Girl fulfills her promises, +5 ... and threats, reduce -2 ... even when they no longer matter, reduce -3 Girl thinks the world has gone to hell in a handbasket, -4 ... but she's right, +7 Girl ever asks "What is the meaning of love" or any variation thereof, -10 ... and she follows it up with "What is kiss", additional -5 Girl strips naked in public -5 ... and then complains that everyone is staring at her, additional -5 Girl is obsessed with her own cuteness or lack thereof, -6 ... but only because some yoyo keeps questioning it, regain +5 Girl is surly and truculent, -1 Girl argues with people, -1 Girl argues with animals, -4 ... but they argue back, +2 Girl is arrogant or snotty, -3 Girl is chronically jealous, -4 Girl is manipulative, -4 Girl reacts violently to minor insults and slights, -7 Girl reacts violently to being groped, +3 Girl is detached from reality, -2 Girl is utterly bonkers, -7 Girl is heartless and cold, -8 Girl is Evil(tm),-10 ... but she's got style, regain +5. Girl has no personality whatsoever, -10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 32 + 2 (animals), +3 (loyal), +1 (polite), +4 (happy), +5 (promises), -2 (threats), -1 (argues), +3 (grope violence) = 47 Yuu: 32 + 2 (animals), +3 (loyal), +1 (polite), +5 (promises), -2 (threats), +3 (grope violence) -8 (heartless and cold) = 36 Mia: 32 + 3 (loyal), +4 (happy), +5 (promises), -2 (threats), -3 (arrogant), -4 (manipulative) = 35 Tori: 12 + 2 (animals), +3 (loyal), +5 (promises), -2 (threats), -1 (surly), -1 (argues), -3 (arrogant), -7 (insult violence), +3 (grope violence) = 21 Aki: 21 + 2 (animals), +4 (people) +4 (unliked people), +3 (loyal), +1 (polite), -3 (criminals), +4 (happy), +5 (promises), -2 (threats), -6 (obsessed) = 33 Yuki: Oooh, interesting round... Mia: Manipulative my ASS! Yuu: You are manipulative, Mia. And sneaky, devious, underhanded, shameless and vicious. Yuki: You been told! ^_^ Mia: It's not fair for that characterless bitch is doing better than me! Yuki: Carfeul! You'll get "jealous" as well! Mia: Hmph. *huffs* Tori: YEAH baby, pull that cute score DOWN! ^_^ Aki: I'm going up still! I'm happy! ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** RESPONDS TO DANGER ** by laughing, +2 ... insanely, -7 by protecting loved ones, +4 ... and people she doesn't like, additional +6 ... because it's part of her job, reduce -2 by using stock footage, -10 by crying, clutching, whining, and being generally counterproductive, -7 by skedaddling, +2 by being Tearfully Brave, +1 by making impassioned speeches, -4 by serving tea, +1 for style. If girl is never placed in danger, +4 for normalcy. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 47 + 2 (laughing), +4 (protecting), +4 (unliked), -2 (job) = 55 Yuu: 36 + 4 (protecting), +4 (unliked), -2 (job), +1 (tea) = 43 Mia: 35 + 2 (laughing), +4 (protecting), +4 (unliked), -2 (job) = 43 Tori: 21 + 2 (laughing), +4 (protecting), +4 (unliked), -2 (job) = 29 Aki: 33 + 2 (laughing), +4 (protecting), +4 (unliked), +2 (skedaddling), +1 (tearfully brave) = 46 Mia: Now GIRLY BOY is beating me too?! This test is wrong! I demand a rewrite! Tori: *sniggers* Hah! You SUCK, Hayazaki! Aki: Ano, Tori-chan, let's not be mean to her... Tori: Quiet you! I gotta gloat while I got the chance! Oh, and *throws Aki across the room* That's for calling me "chan" again, dammit! Yuu: Why? He is your senior, Yamea-san... Tori: Quit reminding me, dammit! Aki: *bleeds* Mia: *Grins* Aww...aren't they a cute couple? Tori: *Offensive gesture* Shove it up your ass! Yuki: I love this team... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** ROMANTIC SITUATION ** Note: only score romantic complications *directly affecting* the character. Girl has steady SO, +4 Girl is at apex of love triangle, +6 ... and dithers endlessly about it, reduce -3 Girl is secondary participant in love triangle, -2 ... and triangle has extra sides, -2 per side. Girl is mooning after a guy who's emotionally unavailable, -4 ...because he's been dead for two years, additional -2 ...because he's gay, additional -4 Girl is mooning after another girl who is straight, -10 Girl is widely admired, +5 ... by morons who do nothing but cause trouble, -7. Girl is in love, but pretends she isn't, -7 ... because he acts like an immature jerk, regain +5 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 55 + 6 (apex), -2 (secondary), +5 (admired) = 64 Yuu: 43 - 7 (pretends) = 36 Mia: 43 + 6 (apex), -2 (secondary), +5 (admired) = 52 Tori: 29 - 7 (pretends) = 22 Aki: 46 + 5 (admired) = 51 Mia: Hah! Take that, blondie! I'm beating you again! *Poses* Yuu: Mia-chan, Yuki is still beating all of us. Mia: *Twitches* I'll catch her, dammit! I will! >_<# Aki: Poor Tori-chan...ne, cheer up, I think you're very cute... Tori: I don't WANT to be cute! >_<####### ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** GIRL DIES ** Fighting Evil +5 Fighting Good +1 Of Ali McGraw disease, -6 For love +5 ... of some guy who never liked her anyway, -10 For no damn reason, -5 And it solves a love triangle, -4 But she gets better, -10. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 64 + 5 (fighting) = 69 Yuu: 36 + 5 (fighting), +5 (love) = 46 Mia: 52 + 5 (fighting) = 57 Tori: 22 + 5 (fighting), +5 (love) = 32 Aki: 51 + 5 (fighting) +5 (love) = 61 Mia: *Sniggers* Check out Yuki's score! I could go for some of that... Yuu: Do you mean because it's still higher than yours? Mia: *Twitch* Yuu: So is Aki's, once again... Mia: *TWITCH* Yuki: Ne, Yuu-chan, I think it'd be a good idea to stop pointing that out... ^^;; Mia: *Sizzling* Tori: Hey, blondie, go get me a frypan... Aki: Hai! *runs off* ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ** SKILLS, POWERS, AND OTHERS ** Girl has marital arts, mecha piloting, or other fighting skills, +2 Girl has magical or psionic powers, +4 Girl has cybernetic implants, +2 Girl calls out exactly what she's doing when she uses her skills or powers, -6 ... but she's allowed to whisper, regain +2 Girl is a goddess, angel, or supernatural being, +2 ... and actually in charge of something important, additional +2 ... but has nothing better to do than minister to some dork, -4. Girl is unaging and practically immortal, +3 Girl is a vampire or demon, -9 Girl is gainfully employed, +8 ...in an unlawful or illegal enterprise, -5 ...in a military or law enforcement capacity, extra +2 Girl is a Rescue Doll, -5 Girl is a MAN, -10. Girl can sing, +4 ... and insists on doing so every ten minutes, -2. ... and can stop a horribly beweaponed space battle fleet with one giddy pop song, -7. Girl has cute little pet, +6 Girl IS cute little pet, +1 Girl has distinctly uncute pet, +3 Girl speaks respectfully to pet, -2 Girl takes orders from pet, -10 Girl has pet which is actually something dangerous, like a spaceship or Ryouga Hibiki, -2 ... and she thinks it's just a pet, additional -2. Girl can cook, +4 Girl can't cook, but does so anyway, -4 Girl won't eat her own cooking, -3 Girl's cooking is actually dangerous, -4 Girl's Japanese is poor, -2 ... and she ISN'T a foreigner, additional -5 Girl speaks English +2 ... badly, -1 ... and English is her native tongue, further -5 Girl sounds like she's been sucking helium, -3 And, finally, Girl has some clown on the net willing to engage in a shouting match on her behalf, -2 per clown. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yuki: 69 + 2 (fighting), +8 (employed), +2 (law), +4 (cooks), +2 (english), -2 (clown) = 85 Yuu: 46 + 2 (fighting), +8 (employed), +2 (law), +4 (cooks), +2 (english), -2 (clown) = 62 Mia: 57 + 2 (fighting), +8 (employed), +2 (law), +2 (english), - 4 (2 clowns) = 67 Tori: 32 + 2 (fighting), +8 (employed), +2 (law), -3 (won't eat her own cooking), -2 (poor Japanese), -5 (not foreigner), +2 (english), +6 (pet), -4 (two clowns) = 38 Aki: 61 + 2 (fighting), +8 (employed), +2 (law), -10 (man), +6 (pet), +4 (cooks), +2 (english), -2 (clown), -3 (helium) = 68 Well, this was a close one. Out infront by a healthy margin is the Hall Seishi's leader, Yuki Yoshida, on a final score of 85 points! Yuki: *shrugs* Hey, it figures. Sensei's been training me the longest ^_~ In second place - but just barely - is Aki Takamoto, beating out the busty redhead on 68 points! Aki: Yay! I'm so happy! I didn't let Sensei down! ^_^ In third place, and several seconds away form boiling point, it's Mia Hayazaki on 67 points! Mia:Stupid test. Stupid RL. Stupid little man-whore girly-boy bitch! *sulk* Aki: Don't be a sore loser, Mia-chan! It was only one point, after all! Mia: Somebody get him away from me before I make him BLEED! Sensei: Come along, dear... *quickly removes Aki* In fourth place, the solemn, silent member of the group, Yuu Watahase, coming in with 62 points! Yuu: ...It is a satisfactory score, and an accurate representation of myself. I don't have any need to complain. Tori: You are /so/ freakin' boring... And, happily towing the line in last place, it's Tori Yamea, the foul-mouthed, violent crossdresser, who scored a final 38 points! Tori: Yeah! You hate me! You really hate me! ^____^ You know what I think, I think there should be a -10 modifier for everytime I beat up Aki durning the test! *nodnods* Well, that's all for us, until Fox gets her hands on a) some more characters, or b) the time to write the Cute Guy Test! Which will probably be too soon for anybody's comfort...